It’s been a long, hard road these past couple of years. I’ve been so lucky to have my little boy and to find the love of my life. I have some really great friends and family too. And, at the end of the day, I have food, clean water, and money in my bank account for the rest of my necessities. Yet, it has been so hard to feel ostracized and alone for what I understand to be standing up for myself and for setting a standard for what love and partnership look like in both my life and for my little man. I’m still seeking humility and understanding in all things, but to those lost friends and family, I’m sorry that my life affected you that way and I hope you will find peace. I pray for you everyday. And I pray always for understanding and reconciliation always.
And when I see others, their story, and how they have lost nothing, it can be hard to see how much better their outcome has been compared to my own. But honestly, it is not my job or my place to analyze that, or compare myself to that even. And like I say, it is never my place to judge. Plus, I don’t know what might be going on beyond their own situation. But I struggle because I lost so much, especially through not being able to talk about much of my life over the last few years, and it’s hard to not see that my life would be easier if I went back to it all. But I remind myself that it was the strong thing to change my path and it can be exponentially better on the journey I’m on now. And I’ve seen that light and that path to more. I see it coming right now. And I’m trusting and having faith in the fact that this too shall pass. That someday I will look back on all of these things and be grateful. I already am.
Now, you will never find me bashing anyone that is not in my life anymore. I will always revel in the fact that it didn’t work out but will always pray for them. Now I realize there were fundamental problems in those relationships which I could not let continue and it was time for us to move on. But it left me broken; and I didn’t know how to handle it. I lost a lot of people who couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t talk about many situations in my life. It charges me now though to be there blindly and wildly for my friends despite what they might be comfortable sharing at the time. Because I know that is what they need-a friend, no matter what.
Maybe one day I will write a book and give clarity to all those people. But for now, I am so happy to be simplifying my life and cherishing my loved ones and actually taking care of myself. I am so happy to be experiencing the joy that I have in my faith in Jesus alongside this new side of my life. With so much love and connection in my life, I can only be grateful to God to have walked through it all with me. And I’m grateful to have a platform to share it on. And to the mom out there who is struggling, you’re doing SO well; believe that! And if you haven’t found your people yet, you will; my people came in and showed out when I needed them. Your true people will too. And if you’re not sure who they are, go out looking for some good people-they’re out there! Look for other moms that are similar to you. Maybe that quiet one in the corner, she might be the friend you’ve been needing. ❤